As I am writing the text for this post a friend is sending me an email asking for help in finding someone who wants to rent his two-bedroom flat for 3.6k. He mentioned that he offers it for such a „special price“ as the rent is limited to two years only.
I feel an emotional cocktail inside myself. Fear, as such prices get reality in Berlin and I will not be able to afford to live here anymore. Anger, sadness, and disconnect as this friend has not reached out for months and even forgot my birthday and is now sending me this email. Shame, that I am posting this here rather than telling him to the face.
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This is what I originally wanted to write before I received the email:
Are You Really You?
I love beauty, I love pink, and sometimes I love to laugh at stupid jokes. Other times I release pressure when I express my anger. Again and again, I find myself wanting to hide exactly what I am, because then someone might not like me and I would no longer be connected.
I have the suspicion that the ideas of what is right and wrong, desired and undesired are stuck imaginations in my head and body. If I always do what I think I should do, then I don't know what would happen if I don't do it.
However, sometimes I have the feeling that a framework is missing, that I don't even know what to do when not fulfilling expectations. It is a safe but at the same time incredibly strenuous position.
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Well, let’s see, if I can express myself or purely be myself: One time angry and sad and at the same time liking pink and flowers - and be OK with all of this.
Interestingly, my emotions calmed down quite a bit after I finished writing the text.
Suggestions to reflect on:
What has recently thrown you off track emotionally and interrupted what you were about to do?
What was your reaction to that?
Do you sometimes feel angry, sad, or anxious and want to get rid of it?